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120. It seemed as if a sky-rocket burst above me, shedding a mass of sparks of beautiful fire.
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119. I left Oelreich. On the way there was deep water, but at the side there was a passage where there was very little water. I therefore went thither along the side, for I thought I ought not to walk in the deep water.
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118. While I was going with my friend through a long passage there came a beautiful girl; she fell into his arms and moaned. I asked her if she knew him, but she did not answer. I took her away from him and led her by the arm.
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117. I mounted a fine black horse; there were two; he was frisky ; at first he went out of the way, but afterwards he turned back.
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116. It had been foretold that the 27th of October would return; it was when I undertook the Worship and Love of God. It seemed as if it were Christ Himself, with whom I associated as with another person, without ceremony. He borrowed a little money from another person, about five pounds. T was vexed because He did not borrow from me. I took up two [pounds], but it seemed to me that I dropped one of them, and likewise the other one. He asked what it was. I said that I had found two, and that one of them might have been dropped by Him. I handed them over, and He accepted. In such an innocent manner we seemed to live together, which was a state of innocence. Afterwards I was in my chamber together with some other acquaintance or relative, and I said that I wished to show him that I had better lodgings, I therefore went out with him first into an adjoining chamber, which extended far away, and chamber after chamber, but they did not belong to me. Someone in a bed asked what was wanted. I went out with him into my own parlor ; when I opened the door I saw that a whole market-place was lodged there ; right in front of me there was a great deal of merchandise, and beyond it there appeared the flank of a great palace, but this was taken down. Then, in front and at the sides, everything appeared full of beautiful vessels, porcelain, as it seemed to me, and as if recently arranged there ; on the side everything was still being arranged. Afterwards I went into my own little chamber, which also was shining.
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115. I fell asleep again, and there appeared two dogs which followed me closely ; after a long while I got rid of them, and it was said to me in my thoughts that this strange pain was to cure me of them. Afterwards I saw a great king; it was the King of France, who went about without a suite and in such lowly estate that he could not from it be recognized as a king. There was one with me who did not seem willing to acknowledge him as king, but I said that he is of such a character as to care nothing for it. He was very courteous towards all, without distinction, and spoke also with me. As he left he was still without a suite and took upon himself the burdens of other persons, and carried as it were a load of clothes ; but later he came into a very different company, where there was much more magnificent estate. Afterwards I saw the Queen; a chamberlain then came and bowed before her, and she also made just as deep a reverence, and there was nothing of pride in her.
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114. I dreamt that I saw one beast after another, which spread out their wings ; they were dragons. I flew away above them, yet one of them I struck against.
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113. I dreamt that a big dog, which I supposed was tied, flew at me and bit me in the leg ; someone came and held his terrible jaws so that he could do no more evil.
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112. In the sleep it appeared after a while that I was walking across on a board, and that I was seeing an abyss and perils before me ; afterwards I climbed up a rope after another person, but did not see the top or how I might reach it.
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111. Among other things it was said to me that since the last fortnight I had begun to look much more handsome, and to be like an angel.
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110. It seemed as if someone was being beaten and scourged, and afterwards he preached with greater zeal and insisted upon it both [in the pulpit] above and [on the floor] below.
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109. [It] seemed to me in my sleep that I had been sent to a certain place with a letter. I did not find the way, but my sister, Hedwig, saw the letter, and said that it was addressed to Ulrika Adlersteen, who, it appeared, had longed for me for a long time. I arrived there, and also saw Schonstrom. I then met a gentleman whom I asked if I could enter his service, because I had lost my fortune on account of the war, but the answer was, No. They seemed to be playing basset; the money kept changing hands, but I was with them all the time. I asked my man-servant if he had said that I owned anything; he answered that he had not, and I said that he should not say anything but this.
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108. Furthermore it seemed to me that I was giving a feast, at my own expense, to a crowd of people in a house or palace that was standing apart. There were some acquaintances there, among others the Councillor-of-State Lagerberg, and, I believe, also Ehrenpreus and others. Everything was at my expense, and it seemed it was costing me a great deal : the thought kept coming continually that it was expensive; some- times I did not care, for I observed that the whole expense was borne by that Lord, who owned that estate, or who showed it to me.
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107. This night was the most delightful of all, because I had a vision of the Kingdom of Innocence. Beneath me I beheld the most beautiful garden that can be imagined, a garden where, little by little, white roses appeared placed upon every tree. Afterwards I came into a long chamber where beautiful white vessels were standing, containing milk and bread; it was so appetizing that nothing more appetizing can be imagined. I was in company with a woman, of whom I have no particular recollection. As I returned there came to me a beautiful and innocent little child, who told me that that woman had left without saying farewell. She asked me to buy her a book which she wished to take up with her, but she did not show me. I woke up.
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106. Last night I seemed to see a commission [for me] as a Lieutenant or captain or something similar; but I asked Secretary Bierchenius to report that I desired to remain in my former office as assessor.
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105. It seemed I wanted to pass along a road, but I saw a little boy who was walking on a path ; I followed him, but there was a mist. It seemed to me there were soldiers about. I walked along, crouching and afraid, but yet they did not seem to be enemies but of our own troops. But as I could not find an}' road before me, I turned about, and came into a room that was untidy. I asked for another chamber and also obtained it. I asked a man for some water, but he said it was stale and muddy. I then asked for milk, and woke up.
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104. There was a shining black veil or skin, which was drawn over [me], yet it had no consistency; it was said it did not hold together, and therefore it was folded up, and I was promised better enlightenment; there also appeared as it were an interior light. I wished to do it myself on Sundays. It was that by my own understanding and imagination I had entered into something which was compared to the black veil, and which does not hold good. Again, I saw an abyss, which means the danger that I am in with my thoughts. Further, something was told about my book; it was said that it would be a divine Book on the worship and love of God, ["en Liber divinus de Dei cultu et amore] ; I believe there was also something about spirits. I also seemed to see Czar Peter and some other big-wigs, [knesar] who despised me because I had short sleeves; I do not know what party they were of. A number of times fine bread has been given me, and other things. May God grant that it is, as I believe it to be, the spiritual bread.
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103. The terrible danger in which I had been in the night between the 29th and the 30th was afterwards represented to me in the sleep ; that I was upon a cake of ice which after a while could scarcely bear me ; further on I came to a fearful great abyss ; a person on the other side could not come to help me, and therefore I turned back.
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102. This was on Saturday night before Sunday. I beheld the gable-end of the most beautiful palace that anyone could see. and the midst of it was shining like the sun. I was told that it had been resolved in the society that I was to become a member, as it were an immortal, which no one had ever been before, unless he had died and lived [again] ; others said that there were several [in that state]. The thought occurred, whether it is not the most important to be with God, and thus to live. Afterwards somebody said that he would pay me a visit at 10 o'clock, but he did not know where I lived. I replied that, as it then seemed to me, I lived in the gable-end of that palace. Afterwards I was in company with women, but I was not willing to touch them, inasmuch as previously I have had to do with the holier ones. Many things then occurred to me, which I left to the good-pleasure of God.
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101. This was a Sunday. Before I fell asleep I was in deep thoughts concerning the things on which I am engaged in writing. Then I was told : "Hold your tongue, or I will beat you." I then saw someone sitting on a block of ice, and T was frightened. I came as it were into a vision ; I held back the thoughts, and one of the usual tremors came over me.
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100. I seemed to be walking across a field which was very rough. T had in my hand an iron staff which after a while was not heavy to walk with. I came to the end of the same field, and I lay on a bed. There came against me a very large black ox and it seemed he was going to gore me with his horns. I was afraid but it was said to me: "You will get through safely." I awoke.
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99. I saw the king of Prussia, and a person who said that he was going to cause enmity between the king of Prussia and the king of France.
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98. During the night between the fifteenth and sixteenth I beheld in my sleep two kings, the king of France and the king of Poland, and they proposed sublime things. Afterwards I saw a little girl who sang for me as I was going out. Immediately after dinner, as I was sleeping there appeared to me a woman, but I did not see her face ; she was rather stout and was dressed entirely in white. I wished to buy from her something to drink, but she said she had nothing left. There was a person present, however, who yielded to me his right to get a glass from her, which she had concealed in her clothes. She was, feeling for it, when I noticed how very stout she was, as if pregnant. After feeling for it in the folds of her sleeve, she found that which I was to drink. She supposed it was chocolate, but it was wine. It seemed I was not willing to take it if it was chocolate. Immediately afterwards I awoke.
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97. I had intended to go to God's table on the second of August [September], because I had been assured, as I had understood it, that I had been liberated from my sins, but then I beheld a large dog which ran up to me but did me no harm. I showed it to a person who stood beside me, and the dog did not hurt him either. Afterwards I seemed to perceive that Didron had left his king, who had shown so much grace to him, and that he had joined the Danes, where he was slain, and that his wife, who was false to him, had caused this, and now was waiting for his body. I now, at this very moment, heard, and it was also inspired into me, that I ought not to depart from the Church of Christ, hut that I must go there to receive the Lord's Supper, and that otherwise I would again become spiritually dead. The rest I could not understand, so that there is a mystery beneath it. I kept myself away from it ; I was kindled by the Holy Spirit, as is generally the case when I act according to command.
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96. I seemed to take a book out of my father's library. Then I came into a ship, and was sitting with another person in the place where the rudder usually is. Yet another person was sitting at my right hand. When I stood up, there was another person who sat down in my place, and when I wished to resume it he sat down higher up and made room for me. A woman was sittings at my left, and another one in front of me. I arose and allowed her to sit there; she sat down, but then there was no fauteuil but only an arm-chair, and I was in front of her. Wine was served in large glasses and it seemed to be primrose wine ; a glass was given to me which I at once emptied ; it was the most delicious I have ever tasted, and without knowing what it was it occurred to me that it was heavenly nectar. The man [whom I had seen] continually sat in his place highest up by the rudder.
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95. [I seemed to] arrive in Sweden and found the kingdom divided into two kingdoms ; the larger one was at Upland, the other one in the direction of Orebro; there were two kings, the second being less [powerful], yet it was said his kingdom extended to Bohus[lan]. I was with this one, and his kingdom increased. It apeared there was a commission for me to become secretary in Java, but I was found unfit for it as I did not know the language; nevertheless I went. Afterwards I dreamt about some little birds which settled down about my head and which had to be picked off.
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94. I saw a person coming against me with a drawn sword. I also seemed to have a sword with a silver hilt, but when he reached me I had nothing but a broken scabbard. He lay down on my back and bit my hands. I cried for help, but there was none to be found. I seemed to boast on account of my strength.
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93. Afterwards I was watching a procession of horses. There came also great, beautiful horses, of a yellowish white color, in great numbers; then more horses in beautiful pairs, which came to me; they were fat, large and beautiful, adorned with handsome harness.
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92. I saw a great beast which at times looked like a human being but with a great gaping mouth ; he did not venture to touch me. I cut at him with a sword, but had no skill or strength in the arm to strike him. Finally I saw him standing before me with a gun from which he fired some venomous fluid; but it did not hurt me because I was protected. Immediately afterwards I thrust the sword into his jaws, though without great force; I thrust deeper and it seemed as if it was said that he had been slain. I was for a long time in holy tremors, though at the same time in deep sleep. I was wondering if I were to see something holy, and it seemed that I was thrown on my face, but I cannot affirm this for sure. Afterwards I was taken away from this [state], and behind my back I found some one with whom I seemed to be acquainted. I was vexed that he had taken me away from it, and when he went away from me I told him that he must not do so again. The tremors then continued, but further I saw nothing.
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91. I saw my father in a beautiful surplice before a con- gregation. He spoke to me in a friendly way, and wished to take me into an inner chamber where there was a person who seemed to be asleep, and to whom he wished to tell about me. I withdrew softly, being afraid of awakening him.
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90. Beside other things, I seemed to be in company with many persons and made merry. I seemed to be the guest of one of them. I went away thence on a journey; it appeared that I was to return, but when I went away I left for a journey which I had not thought of taking. I met a person who said that he had cut out a pair of bed-curtains for me, though to some extent without my knowledge.
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89. I saw a boy running off with one of my shirts, and I ran after him.
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88. It seemed as if I was taking quite a high flight, but in such a circle that I came down safely when I began to feel tired. I saw a magnificent hall with costly tapestry on the walls, all in one piece.
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87. I made my way into a crowded congregation, and wanted to come out in time, but [the church] was full ; nevertheless I pushed through ; I came to an empty bench on which there was a cloth with which I wanted to cover myself.
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86. A little child wanted to love me, and took me in its arms, but after a while I seemed to refuse it.
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85. I saw a congregation where every one had a small crown on his head, and two persons were standing in front, having quite large and magnificent crowns. One of them spoke in joy, and it was half in French, half in German.
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84. I was conversing with Brita Behm who, as it seemed to me, had given birth to a son; yet, as Schwede had been dead for a long time, I wondered how this could be. The child died, however, and in its place were the two Rosenadlers. She took me into a large and costly carriage, of surpassing magnificence, and conducted me to Count Horn. A meal was being prepared there ; I went away but intended to return. I was flying evenly, but came to a fine looking town which I saw ; I noticed that I was flying in the wrong direction, and I turned back. I crossed a sheet of water on a foot bridge; there was a ship near by; I came to a hole. I then thought of bread, that large and small loaves were brought there every day.
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83. I was in company with the King and conversed with him, who was afterwards in a chamber. Later on I was with the princes, his sons, with whom I became acquainted. They were speaking among themselves about me. I said that I felt bashful from love and veneration. As I started to leave I noticed that the table had been set by the queen. I was not dressed as was due, because as before I had hastily taken off my white jacket, and I wanted to go up and put it on again. I spoke with my father who kissed me because I reminded him not to swear. Meanwhile the Queen came up with her suite.
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82. I saw how everything in an oblong globe concentrated itself upwards in the highest part of the globe, while in the lowest part there was as it were a tongue, which afterwards was spread out.
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81. I was in a place together with many persons. I went past my garden which looked quite badly, — no doubt in comparison with the heavenly [garden]. Then for a long time I heard the roar of cannons being fired against the enemy ,in various directions, and it seemed to me that the enemy was being beaten. There also came a message that the Danes were attacking with ten thousand men ; the battle was mostly with sword- hilt [in hand] ; they were altogether beaten. There was also [a battle] in another place, and I wanted to drive out to view the battle fields. Where I was there were a number of persons who wanted to run away, because they were of the Danish party, but I advised them to remain, as they were in no danger, but only a Danish soldier was. I saw afterwards that I was protected by a large screen ; — that there was something the matter with my left foot, of which I had not been conscious; but it was bound up and would soon be right again. — In a large cage there was a little bird, which had been concealed for a long time, but still it lived and had food and drink, and went in and out of the cage. — I saw Eric Benzelius wearing a wig with two curls behind; he walked about tired and old. I went with him and saw that he walked into a church and sat down in the very lowest place.
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80. It seemed that a deliberation was going on as to whether I should be admitted to the society there, or to one of their councils. My father came out and said to me that what I had written about Providence was the finest. I called to mind that it was only a small treatise. Afterwards, one night, I was found in the Church, but I was naked, having nothing on but the shirt, so that I did not dare to come forward.
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79. My past life was represented to me, and how afterwards I walked where there were precipices on all sides, and that I turned back. Then I came to a very lovely grove, planted everywhere with most beautiful fig trees in fine growth and order. On one of them there seemed to remain dried-up figs. The grove was surrounded with moats, except on the side where I was. I wanted to pass over a foot bridge, which was high, and with earth and grass on the top, but I dared not on account of the danger. At some distance from it I saw a large and quite beautiful palace with wings, where, it seemed to me, I desired to take lodgings in order to have the prospect of the grove and the moats always in view. A window was open far down in one of the wings, and I thought I should like to have my room there.
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78. There appeared to me a man in white having a sword; another person approached to attack him and was wounded by his sword ; he renewed the attack but was wounded quite severely about the ear and the temples. Still another came to fight against him, but he also was run through so that the blood appeared. I had a long spear and was thinking that if he should come against me, I would hold the spear in front of me, but just as he was not far from me I saw that he threw down the sword and went away. As I was wondering at this, I noticed that someone was walking before me, and that he had reversed his sword to give it to him and surrender unconditionally, which was the reason for his reversing his sword.
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77. I got a whipping from a large man, and I took it for my good. Then I was about to get up on a horse to ride alongside a carriage, but the horse turned his head and got hold of me by my head and held me.
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76. It seemed that I had lost a banknote, and the person who found it got only nine stivers for it. The same was the case with another person who had also found such a banknote, which was bought for nine stivers only. I observed, jokingly, that this was "pietasteri." There were some who admired my copperplate engravings, which were well executed, and they desired to see my first sketches, as if I could sketch them as they were executed. I received a small letter, for which I paid nine stivers ; when I opened it I found within a large book with blank paper. In the middle there were many beautiful drawings, but the rest was blank paper. A woman was sitting at my left hand ; she moved over to my right side and began to turn over the leaves of the book, and the drawings appeared. The woman had a rather broad neckcloth, and was altogether bare on both sides all the way down ; the skin was shining as if glazed, and on the thumb there was a miniature painting. It seemed as if I had received orders to accompany Bergenstierna on a commission, and that money had been granted for the purpose. The commission, with which I was quite pleased, seemed to be on the other side of Sicily, but I thought that I would have to be on guard against scorpions there.
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75. When I started on my journey from The Hague in the ship from Maasland, which took place on the thirteenth of May, it seemed that my brother Jesper had been put in prison on my account, and also another person. I had put something into a carriage and imported it, for which I seemed to be responsible. There came judges who were to sentence him, holding in their hands two written papers. In the meanwhile I beheld some birds which came flying towards me, but I hit them on the neck with a sharp knife so that they died. Then the judges came and released my brother Jesper, whom I thereupon kissed and rejoiced over.
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74. I saw someone on guard with a sword; it was pointed and sharp, and there was something- sticking to the sleeve of his coat. I was in danger from him, for I saw that he was somewhat drunk and consequently might do harm. Afterwards it seemed to me that I had with me Eliezer, my deceased brother, who was being attacked by a wild boar that held him fast and bit him. I tried to drag the animal down with a hook, but could not. Afterwards I went up, and saw that he was lying between two boars which were eating his head. I could not get anyone to help him ; I ran past.
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73. It seemed that someone had written briefly to King Frederic ; it seemed brief to him, and he commanded some per- sons to travel to the one [who had written], who at first seemed to be a woman but afterwards appeared like a small man, to worry that' one in various ways with love-intrigues and the like. They did their best, but I saw that they had not hurt him or done him any injury. He said that now, between the thirty- sixth and thirty-seventh day, (which was the day since my temptation), he wished to borrow a heap and go to heaven, without paying those from whom he had borrowed. This I told to the Swab, that he should report it to the King.
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72. I gave some fruits to a gardener to sell. He sold them and returned two Carolines to me, but it was said that he had kept thirteen dalers for himself, but I did not care about it.
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71. I was walking along a road and came to a cross-road, on which I was directed to proceed. I also went up, but it seemed to me there were only a few days left, so I went back in the place; there was a mass of people. I wanted to go out but was very much crowded.
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70. Last night it seemed to me that I saw King Charles XII, to whom I had once dedicated my work, but it now seemed to me that he had risen from the dead, and that I went out, and now wished to dedicate to him as if he were like another [living] person.
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69. A married woman wanted to have me, but I liked an unmarried one ; the former one became angry and persecuted me, but I nevertheless gained the unmarried one and was with her and loved her. It was a woman who owned a very beautiful estate in which we walked about, and I was to marry her. She signified piety, and also, I believe, wisdom, which owned these possessions. It was also represented to me in a certain way that I ought not to contaminate myself by [reading] other books, treating of theology and such subjects; because this I have in the Word of God and from the Holy Spirit.
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68. I enjoyed a delightful and precious sleep for about eleven hours, with several representations: it was as if a married woman was pursuing me, but I escaped.
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67. It seemed as if a number of women and men were sitting in a ship, ready to depart. One of them was holding my dog, which I took away from him. He showed me the way home into a beautiful chamber, where there was wine.
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66. I dreamt that I spoke several times with King Charles XII, and that in speaking- with me he said everything in broken French, at which I wondered, but did not understand. Even when I was speaking with others and supposed that he did not hear me, he was present beside me, so that I was ashamed that I had spoken.
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65. Afterwards I slept a little, and it appeared to me as if there was flowing a quantity of oil with a little mustard mixed with it.
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64. It seemed as if someone said the words interiorescit [he is becoming more internal] and integratiir [he is being made whole]. Afterwards something was being dictated to me during the whole night, something holy which ended with the words "sacrarium et sanctuarium."
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63. It seemed to me that I was fighting with a woman while I was fleeing ; she drove me into a lake and up again ; finally I struck her as hard as I could with a plate in the forehead and squeezed her face, so that she seemed to be conquered.
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62. Bad dreams, about dogs that were said to be my own countrymen, and which licked my neck but did not bite ; with other things, as to how I wanted to do something with two persons, but nothing took place.
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61. It seemed to me as if I had gone astray in the dark, and had not gone out in company with others. I groped for the walls, and after a while I came to a beautiful house, where there were some people who wondered at my coming that way. They met me and said that this was not the way. I said that in the wind [ ?] perhaps there was an opening this way, which they denied. It signifies that this day I had gone astray the worst. Then there was a big dog that came in beneath the cover of the bed where I was lying, and he licked my neck. I was afraid he would bite me, but it did not happen, and it was said he would not bite me. Afterwards I was together with some comedians. Someone said that a Swede had arrived and wished to see me. We drove in, and a large staircase was made ready for him. It was a dog wrapt up, with a pup suckling. It signifies my terrible thoughts. Something similar was hanging from a fishing rod and could not be removed; finally in another room it was torn off.
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60. I saw in a window a singular animal; it was lively and also of dark brown color, and it came in through another window. It had something on its back which was rubbed off and was changed into a handkerchief. I looked at it and still saw it a little, but could not show it to anyone else. There was an apothecary's shop inside. I asked if I should shoot the animal. I saw Konig and Prof. Winbom approaching, viz., that I was going to live with them, on a week-day with those who are not Christians, for Konig was said not to be a Christian.
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59. There was a dog following me; he was very well mannered and of a dark brown color ; he rose up when any animal approached ; when near water he went into it in order to explore its depth.
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58. It seemed to me I was being wrapped about, below, in folds of blankets, which were wound around in various ways, and at the same time there came as it were .
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57. It seemed I had a cheap watch with me, although at home I had precious watches which I was not willing to exchange for golden ones.
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56. It seemed to me that we were laboring for a long time to bring in a cabinet, in which were kept more precious things ; indeed, a long time, as it was at Troy. Finally they went below it and shaved it off; afterwards it was carried in as if in triumph, and they kept on sawing and sawing.
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55. I dreamt that a great procession was arranged, from which I was excluded, and that I should have come away thence. But I labored to get there, and sat down, but they advised me to go away, and I went. Nevertheless, I had another place where I could see it, but it had not yet arrived.
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54. Afterwards I dreamt that the Evil One carried me into various deep places and bound me ; I do not remember it all. I was cast, bound, everywhere in hell.
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53. I had frightful dreams; dreamt that the executioner roasted the heads which he had struck off, and for a long time he put the roasted heads one after another into an empty oven, which nevertheless was never filled. It was said that this was his food. He was a big female ; he laughed, had a little girl with him.
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52. It seemed as if I was climbing up a ladder from a great deep ; others, women whom I knew, came after me. I stood still and purposely frightened them, and then went up. I came up against a green earth-wall and lay down; the others came after me. I greeted the women and they sat down beside me: one was young and the other a little older. I kissed the hands of both and did not know which one of them I should love. It was my thoughts and mental work [ouvrage d' esprit], of two kinds, which finally came up with me, and which I received again, and greeted, and took up again. Afterwards I came to a place where many male persons were assembled ; a great crowd of handsome young folks in one place in a flock; fresh numbers joined them, among others Henning Gyllenborg on horseback. I went to meet him, kissed him, and stood by him. Afterwards I returned home and was in my own house. I received many visitors. I knew that I had hidden away a pretty little woman and a boy and kept them hidden. There was moreover but a slight store of provisions, and I was not yet willing to bring out my silver plate before I should treat them; nor was I willing to lead the guests into an inner magnificent chamber which was well furnished within. It seemed that I was accusing someone, but I do not remember how; in the end, however, I crossed out and excused something, because he himself had said so, but the words were buried. [I heard] mentioned the words Nicolaiter, and Nicolaus Nicolai.
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51. I heard a bear growling but did not see him. I dared not remain in the upper story, for there was a carcass there which he might scent. I therefore descended to one of the chambers of Dr. Monneus and shut the windows. Dr. Monneus seemed to be courting a pretty girl; he obtained her consent, and had permission to take her wherever he wanted. I teased her, saying that she was quite walling to say Yes, etc. She was a pretty girl, and grew taller and more beautiful.
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50. I climbed up on a shelf, and broke off the neck of a bottle, from which some thick fluid came forth and covered the floor and then flowed down.
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49. It seemed as if I were racing down a stairway; I touched each step only a little, and came safely down all the way without danger. There came a voice from my dear father, "You are making such a racket, Emanuel !" It was said he was angry, but it would pass over.
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48. It seemed that the grace of the spirit labored with me during the whole night. I saw Hedwig, my sister, with whom I did not wish to have anything to do. Afterwards, when time dragged, it seemed that she first said to her children. Go out and read ; and afterwards that we might play at backgammon or cards, whereupon they sat down to while away the time, and also to spend time at the meal.
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47. Afterwards I came to a place where there were wonderfully large and tall windmills going at a terrible speed. I then came into a darkness, so that I crept on the ground, being afraid that one of the wings would catch me, which would have been the end of me. I did come beneath a wing which then stopped, and brought myself well within it, so that the wing helped me. Afterwards it seemed to me I was in company with some persons who appeared as if desirous to make gold, but they saw that they would have to climb up, which they were not able to do, and that otherwise it would be impossible to make gold; this continued for some time, until after a while I was together with two persons who nevertheless attempted to climb up, although our Lord was not with them. I said that it could not be done, and then went up before them ; I had a rope, and pulled, but noticed that there was something beneath which pulled strongly against me ; finally I saw that it was a man, but I was stronger and pulled up ; then I was glad and said that it was as I had said. Afterwards I remained long in the same thought, which became more and more luminously red.
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46. My sister Caisa appeared ; she pretended she was sick, and she threw herself down and screamed; but when our mother came, she put on quite a different face and talk. [Then] there was a minister preaching to a large congregation, and at the end he spoke personally against a certain individual, but whether that one was mentioned by name or not I do not know ; but someone arose and rebuked the preacher, saying that such a thing ought not to be done. I was afterwards with them in a private com- pany, and then, on inquiry, it was said that the punishment for libelling anyone is a fine of three marks Swedish. He [the preacher] did not seem to know that it was thus punishable ; it was said that the fine begins with one mark, then two marks, etc. Afterwards my knees moved of themselves.
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45. The whole night I was in a dream; I recollect only the smallest part. It was as if I was being instructed during the whole night in many things which I do not remember. I was asleep about eleven hours, as far as I remember it seemed to me: 1. That substantial or essentials were mentioned, and that these should be cultivated and sought for ; 2. Mention was made also of the thymus gland and renal glands, which I interpret as meaning that as the thymus gland secretes the impure serum from the blood, and the renal glands remit into the blood that which has been purified, so also it takes place in us, as I believe, spiritually.
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44. I came into a chamber below, where there were many persons, but I saw only a woman, dressed in black, not malicious ; she walked far into a chamber, but I did not wish to go with her, though with her hand she beckoned me towards the door. Afterwards I went out and found myself several times stopped by a spectre which covered me over the whole of the back ; finally it vanished. I came out, and then there came an ugly spectre who did the same ; it was an ugly old man ; at last I escaped from them. When I came out I saw many persons sitting in a gallery, and, lo, a mighty stream of water came pouring down through the roof, and it was so strong that it broke through everything in its way. There were some who tried to close the opening so that the water should not come in ; others who tried to get away so that it should not reach them ; others again tried to dissipate it into drops, and one who tried to divert it so that it would pass outside the gallery. Afterwards I came out thence, and in my thoughts I began as it were to measure and divide into parts that which proceeds from the centre to the circumference. It seemed to be heaven, for afterwards there appeared there a heavenly shining light.
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43. Afterwards I fell asleep, and I beheld one of my acquaintances sitting at a table. He greeted me, but I did not notice it at once, and before I had returned his greeting he became offended and gave me some harsh words. I wanted to excuse myself, and finally managed to say that I am often in deep thought and do not observe when someone greets me, and sometimes pass my friends on the street without seeing them. I appealed to an acquaintance, who was present, to bear witness, and he said that it was so, and I said that no one was more anxious to be polite and humble than I am, (God grant that this may be the case). My friend, however, said nothing in reply, but still seemed satisfied, as I believed.
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42. Afterwards I saw someone in St. Peter's church going into the vault underneath, where Peter lies. He was carried out, but it was said that yet another is hiding there. It seemed that I was free to go in and out. May God lead me! Afterwards I saw all that was impure, and I acknowledged that I was impure from head to foot ; I cried for the mercy of Jesus Christ. Then it seemed that the words "I poor sinful creature" occurred to me.
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41. Afterwards there came in a young woman dressed in black, and said that I ought to travel to . . . then she came behind me, holding my whole back with her hand so firmly that I could not make a movement; I asked for help from a person near by, and he helped to get her away, but I was not able to move the arm myself. I then heard as if someone were whistling, but he went away, and I was seized with a tremor.
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40. I seemed to have a dog on my knees, and I was astonished that it could speak. I asked about his former master. Swab. It was of a blackish color; it kissed me.
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39. I saw a bookshop, and immediately the thought struck me that my work would have greater effect than the works of others, but I checked myself at once by the thought that one person serves another and that our Lord has many thousand ways of preparing everyone, so that every book must be left to its own merits, as a medium near or remote, according to the state of the understanding of everyone. Nevertheless, the pride at once was bound to assert itself; may God control it, for the power is in His hands.
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38. I heard a person at the table asking his neighbor the question whether any one who had an abundance of money could be melancholic. I smiled in my mind and would have replied, — if it had been proper for me to do so in that company, or if the question had been addressed to me, — that a person who possesses everything in abundance, is not only subject to melancholy, but is [exposed] to a still higher kind, that of the mind and the soul, or of the spirit which operates therein, and I wondered that he had proposed such a question.
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37. Throughout the whole night I seemed to be going deep down, by ladders and other spaces, but quite safely and securely, so that the depth did not bring me into any danger, and there occurred to me in the dream the verse, "Lowliness or other things, be they coming or " Afterwards I seemed to be at dinner in company with a number of persons at the house of a clergyman. I paid about a louis-d'or for the meal, and thus more than I ought, but when I was on my way from the place I had with me two vessels of silver which I had taken from the table. This troubled me and I tried to return them, and it seemed to me I had a plan to do so. Afterwards I was in quite a large company at the house of another clergyman, where I seemed to have been before. When we arrived it seemed to me that we were so many as to overwhelm the clergyman, and I did not like that we were so many as to cause him trouble.
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36. I then saw my father, dressed in a different costume, almost reddish. He called me to himself and took hold of my arms, which were in short sleeves, but with lace ruffles for cuffs; he took both cuffs and tied them with my ribbons.He then asked me what I thought about this question, viz., that a certain king had granted leave to about thirty persons who belonged to the spiritual order, to get married and thus to change their estate. I replied that I had thought and written something about this subject but that it has no relation to it. Immediately afterwards I found myself able to answer, according to my conscience, that no one ought to be permitted to change his estate, no matter what it may be, to which he has devoted him- self. He said that he also was of the same opinion, but I added that if the king had resolved upon it then the matter was settled. He said that he would present his vote in writing'; if there are fifty [votes] then the matter is fixed. I noticed as a remarkable circumstance that I did not call him "my father" but "my brother." I afterwards wondered how this was: it seemed to me that my father was dead, and that this one, who is my father, thus must be my brother.
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35. Later on, about day-break, I fell asleep again, and then had continually in my thought how Christ conjoins Himself with men ; holy thoughts came, but of such a nature that they are unfathomable, for I cannot in the least express by the pen what then took place ; for I only know that I was in such thoughts.
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34. I then fell asleep, but about twelve, one, or two o'clock in the night there came over me a very powerful tremor from the head to the feet, accompanied with a booming sound as if many winds had clashed against one an- other. It was indescribable, and it shook me and prostrated me on my face. In the moment that I was prostrated I became wide awake, and I saw that I had been thrown down. I wondered what it meant, and I spoke as if I were awake, but still I found that the words were put into my mouth, and I said, ''Oh, Thou Almighty Jesus Christ, who of Thy great mercy deignest to come to so great a sinner, make me worthy of this grace !" I kept my hands folded and I prayed, and then there came forth a hand which strongly pressed my hands.I then continued my prayer, saying, "Thou hast promised to receive in grace all sinners ; Thou canst not otherwise than keep Thy words !" In the same moment I was sitting at His bosom and beheld Him face to face. It was a countenance of a holy mien, and all was such that it cannot be expressed, and also smiling, so that I believe that His countenance was such also while He lived [in the world]. He spoke to me and asked if I had a bill of health, [om jag har sundhets pass.] I answered, "Lord, Thou knowest better than I." He said, "Well, then do." I awoke, with tremors. I then again came into such a state that in my thoughts I was neither sleeping nor awake.
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33. Afterwards I awoke and fell asleep again a number of times, and all [that I dreamed] was in answer to my thoughts, yet in such a manner that there was such a life and such a glory in the whole of it that I cannot describe the least particular, for all of it was heavenly. At the time it was clear to me, but after it I cannot express anything. In short, I was in heaven and heard a speech which no human tongue can utter wath the life that is there or the glory and inmost delight that flow from it.
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32. Afterwards I fell asleep, and it seemed the whole night how in various ways I was first joined with others, by what was sinful ; and then how I was enveloped, by wonderful and indescribable circumvolutions, so that during 3. the whole night I was inaugurated in a wonderful manner, and then it was said: "Is there any Jacobite more than honest?'' Then, in conclusion. I was received with an embrace. Afterwards it was said that "he ought not to be thus called or thus named,'' but how, I do not remember, if it was not Jacobite, this I cannot describe ; it was a mystical series.
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31. I then fell into a sleep in which my whole temptation was represented to me : how Er[land] B[roman] sought by various means to get me on his side, so as to be of that party, (voluptuousness, riches, vanity), but he could not gain me over. I became still more obstinate against him because he showed contempt. Afterwards I was together with a crouching dark-grey snake, and it was B[roman's] dog. I struck at him many times with a club but tried in vain to hit him on the head ; he wanted to bite me but could not ; I seized him by the throat, and he could not bite me, nor was I able to do him much harm ; finally I got hold of him by the jaws and squeezed him hard, and also by the nose which I squeezed so that the venom burst forth. I said that while the dog did not belong to me, still, as he wanted to bite me, I had to chastise him. Thereupon it seemed someone said he had not gotten me to say one word to him, and then 1 quarreled with him. When I awoke, the words which I said were: Shut your mouth!
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30. There was sung the melody and a line which I remember from the hymn "Jesus is my friend, the best one." It seemed to me that green buds had opened.
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29. It was said that one more courier had arrived.
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28. Towards the morning it seemed to me I was riding, and the direction was shown to me, but when I looked it was dark, and I found I had lost my way on account of the darkness. But then it lightened up and I saw that I had gone wrong ; I saw the road and the forests and groves to which I should travel, and behind them the sky. I awoke.
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27. I saw two groups of soldiers, dressed in blue, who marched in two troops past my window which stood ajar. I desired to look out and watch the marching of the first troop, which seemed to me magnificent. I awoke.
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26. There was a beggar who cried that he wanted some pork ; they wished to give him something else, but he insistently called for pork. I awoke.
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25. Two persons came; they entered a house which, though built, was not yet furnished ; they went about but did not seem favorable : we realized that our power was gone, and were afraid of them. One of them came to me and said that they intended to inflict a punishment on me the next Thursday before Easter, unless I made my escape. I did not know how to get out, but he told me he would show me the way. I awoke.
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24. I stepped out of a carriage; it was driven into a lake. While driving into it the coachman cried to the other carriage to take care, as there was danger when he drove in ; I looked at the other carriage ; behind it there seemed to be a screen which was unfolded like an umbrella. I, together with the man who sat behind, took the screen, went in, and folded it together.
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23. King Charles was sitting in a dark room and said something, but somewhat indistinctly ; afterwards one at the table inquired whether he had not received the information he had asked about ; he replied. Yes. He afterwards closed the windows, and I helped him with the curtains. Afterwards I mounted a horse, but did not take the road I had intended but went across hills and mountains, riding swiftly. A wagon with a load followed after me, and I could not get away from it ; still the horse by the load became tired, and [the driver] wanted to get him into some place ; he came in, and the horse became like a slaughtered, bloody beast, fallen down.
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22. I rode in the air [flying] on a horse; went into all the rooms, the kitchen, and other places, hunting for one whom I did not find ; the rooms were untidy ; finally I was carried through the air into a drawing room where I received two beautiful loaves of bread, and then I found him again. Quite a number of people were there and the room was in good order.
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21. I saw a magnificent procession of men. adorned so handsomely that I have never seen anything more handsome, but it soon disappeared.
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20. I saw a very handsome woman by a window where a child was placing roses ; she took me by the hand and conducted me.
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19. I saw a group of women, one who wrote a letter; I took it but do not know what became of it. She was sewing, and a yellow man struck her on the back ; wished she should get more blows, but it was enough.
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18. I asked to be cured of my illness ; there was given me a heap of rags to buy for [it] ; I took half of them, and looked out for the other half, but returned all the rags. He said that he himself would buy [something] that would lead to a cure. The rags were my corporeal thoughts by which I wished to cure myself, but they were good for nothing. Afterwards I went out and saw many black images; a black one was thrown at me; I saw that he could not get about with his foot.
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17. It seemed as if I took a key and went in ; the door keeper examined the keys which I had ; I showed them all, in case I should have two, but it seemed that Hesselius had another. I was arrested and put under guard ; there came to me many in carriages. It seemed to me I had done nothing wrong, but I remembered that it might be considered in a bad light if it turns out that I had taken the key. I awoke.
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16. I came into a magnificent chamber and spoke with a woman who was governess of the court. She wished to relate something to me; then came the queen and passed through to another chamber ; it seemed to be the same one who represented our Successor. I went out for I was rather meanly dressed, as I had just returned from my journey, [wearing] a long old overcoat, and without hat and wig; I wondered that she condescended to come to me; she related that a certain one had given all the jewels to his mistress, but he had received them back again in this manner that it was told her that he had not given her the best, whereupon she threw away the jewels. She asked me to come again, but I excused myself on the plea that I was so shabbily dressed and had no wig, and must go home first ; she said it did not matter.
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15. I spoke long and familiarly with our Successor in Sweden, who changed into a woman. Afterwards I spoke with Carl Broman, [saying] that he ought to be in favor of him; he answered something ; [then I spoke] with Erland Broman. [saying] that I had returned here.
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14. Quite freely and boldly I stepped down a large stairway ; by and by there was a ladder, below it there was a hole which went down to quite a great depth ; it was difficult to get to the other side without falling into the hole. On the other side there were persons to whom I reached out my hand to help them cross over, I awoke.
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13. I was in a garden containing many fine beds, one of which I desired to own, but I looked about to see if there was any road to walk out ; I also seemed to see it, and thought of another : there was one there who was picking away a heap of invisible vermin and killed them ; he said they were bedbugs which some person had carried thither and thrown in, infesting those who were there. I did not see them, but some other little insect, which I dropped on a white linen cloth beside a woman.
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12. I was standing by a machine which was moved by a wheel ; its spokes involved me more and more and carried me up so that I could not escape: I awoke.
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11. How a woman was by my side, just as if I had been awake ; I wanted to know who she was. She spoke in a low voice, but said that she was pure, but that I had a bad odor. She was, as I believe, mv guardian angel, for the temptation then began.
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10. I seemed to be reclining on a mountain beneath which there was an abyss ; there were projections ; I was lying there, trying to get up, holding on to a projection, without foot-hold, an abyss beneath.
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9. How I had resisted the power of the Holy Spirit, and what then happened; how I beheld hideous spectres, without life, horribly involved, and within [something] moved itself; with a beast which attacked me but not the child.
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8. About my joys at night. I wondered at myself that there remained nothing of the desire to work for my own glory, so as to have sensation thereof, and that I was not inclined toward sexual relations, as I had been in all my days.
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7. About the manservant who wished that I would go away on a journey.
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6. About the king who gave something very precious in a peasant's hut.
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5. About the one who tumbled with the chain into the depth.
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4. In Leipzig, about the one who lay in seething water.
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3. In Sweden, about the white cloud of the sky.
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2. In Venice, about the beautiful palace.
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1. In my younger days, and the Gustavian family
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Dream Text: Most Recent Dream - Q15),
18 words,
swedenborg_dreams:emanuel
[Answer Date Unknown]
